


Your New Assignment

by TTBret



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Exhibitionism, Forbidden Love, M/M, Sex Work, Teacher-Student Relationship, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:23:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TTBret/pseuds/TTBret
Summary: Remus Lupin is the new professor at Diagon High. Young, charming, witty, and in spite of his thrift store clothes and patched elbows, there is no denying that Professor Lupin has an odd sort of appeal.Sirius Black is the unanimously proclaimed heartthrob of the senior class, and it's not hard to see why. He's as intelligent as he is pretty, and it's apparent that Remus has quickly become his favorite professor.As it turns out, being the favorite may cause some unforeseen complications for Remus Lupin... especially after he receives an unexpected email half-way through the school year.





	1. The New Professor

****It was no secret that Remus Lupin was the most popular teacher at Diagon High.

Professor Lupin had transferred to the school that year, replacing the agonizingly boring Professor Binns and taking over his Senior English class.

Young, charming, _witty,_ and in spite of his thrift store clothes and patched elbows, there was no denying that Professor Lupin had an odd sort of appeal.

He was fair and kind, but certainly no saint. Remus possessed an endearing, mischievous side that contrasted starkly with the level-headed man he presented himself as. That may have been why the students found him so utterly alluring. 

Remus was the whole package – a package that many students unanimously agreed… _They wanted to unwrap._

It was a bit of a problem, to say the least.

It was also what had landed him in the giant mess he now found himself in.

 ~*~

Remus loved his job, and it showed.  

At the beginning of each year, he would spend the first day getting to know every student’s name. It was an effort that they appreciated, and after that it never took long for friendships to start forming. Of course, he knew it was best to keep a professional distance from his students, but it was hard when they were so close in age.

Remus had barely turned 23 that year, and it was a strange adjustment to make, going from a student himself to an educator. He wasn’t seasoned enough to know how to properly separate work and personal life, and in the two years he’d been teaching, he’d quickly realized that blurring those lines could be dangerous.

One of his previous senior students, a girl by the name of Tonks, had fallen head-over-heels for the lanky professor. She was beautiful, vivacious and bright, both literally and figuratively, her neon pink hair standing out like a beacon in the crowd, and she was _persistent_. Remus had started noticing a change in their dynamic halfway through the year… somewhere along the line she had gotten some wires crossed.

Remus couldn’t understand what had happened.

After a few months of being relentlessly pursued, in which Remus had tried, over and over again, to talk reason with her and deter the girl’s feelings to no avail, Remus had made the decision to transfer schools.

New school, clean slate… There was a fine line between mentor and friend, and he wasn’t about to fuck this up.

~*~

The students at Diagon were wonderful. Bright, energetic, and eager to learn, they made Remus’ job easy.

Well… _most_ of them.

Unfortunately, the brightest of his students were also his most troublesome.

James Potter, the rugby star ( _what a cliche_ ), definitely didn’t fall into the category of dim-witted jock… he just had the attitude of one.

Sirius Black, James’ best friend and partner in crime, was verging on frighteningly intelligent, and was the unanimously proclaimed heartthrob of the senior class.  

Peter Pettigrew was… enthusiastic? The poor boy had a tendency to fall into the “third wheel” position, but he didn’t seem to mind, practically worshipping the ground the other two walked on.

Together they were an intimidating trio, far too clever for their own good, and every teacher’s worst nightmare.

Everyone except for Remus, apparently.

Remus didn’t like to pick favorites, but he soon found himself being drawn to the infamous trio – or the “Marauders”, as they called themselves. They may have been a bit of a handful, but it didn’t take Remus long to realize that their brash and disruptive behavior stemmed from _boredom_.

They just needed something more challenging, something to keep their attention.

Remus had a knack for developing interesting and hands-on lessons that catered to different learning styles, and he never gave out detentions, preferring to handle misdemeanors one-on-one in order to teach his students about accountability.

The Marauders reacted surprisingly well to his methods, enjoying the respect he showed and rising to each new challenge he threw at them, performing brilliantly and without hesitation.

If they weren’t such hopeless delinquents, Remus would have called them model students.

As the year progressed, Remus and the boys developed a profound respect for each other. He didn’t know why he found them so endearing. In spite of their cockiness and flagrant disregard for the rules, they had an odd sort of charm that he couldn’t help but admire.

The Marauders seemed to have taken a liking to him as well, choosing to spend their free periods in his classroom, regaling him with tales of mischief and trusting that their secrets would be safe with him. It wasn’t long before Remus became the confidant. It wasn’t an ideal position to be in, but he genuinely cared about the boys and what was going on in their lives, so he’d let them talk away, ranting or asking for advice.

James would accost him in the halls to lament the fact that Lily Evans, the student body president, wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Peter would stutter out his fears of not being up-to-par with the other two Marauders, seeking comfort and validation.

Sirius didn’t speak about personal matters much, preferring banter and lighthearted conversation… but when his parents kicked him out of the house, Remus was one of the first he chose to confide in.

Sirius had come out to his parents, knowing that with their strictly religious and conservative background, he was likely to be disowned. After the inevitable happened, Sirius moved in with James.

He spoke with Remus for hours, trying to work through the overwhelming feelings of guilt associated with abandoning his brother, not being able to financially contribute to the Potters, and not knowing what his future held.

Little did Sirius know, Remus was one of the few people in his life who could understand where he was coming from, possessing a few secrets and scars himself.

Remus would never tell him that, but at least he knew what to say to comfort him. He was touched that they trusted him enough to share such personal matters. It made him feel like he was doing some good. It made him feel _needed_.

Halfway through the year, Remus had grown so close with the boys that, after a thorough and relentless interrogation from the trio, he caved, revealing the circumstances of his transfer.

 _That_ was his first mistake.

~*~

Sirius Black sat down on the edge of Remus’ desk. “Professor Lupin.”

“Mr. Black."

Sirius had taken to spending more time with Remus between classes, popping in when the others were busy to tease the poor professor relentlessly about his thrift store “mom-jeans”, claiming they drowned his best _assets_. 

“That’s neither funny, nor appropriate.”

Sirius grinned. He seemed to find an obscene amount of enjoyment in being told off. He snatched a biscuit out of Remus’ home-made lunch.

“Mind if I have this?”

“Well, since it’s your birthday,” Remus quirked a brow at the boy, amused. “Have a biscuit and welcome to adulthood.”

“It’s all downhill from here.” Sirius grinned cheekily and took a bite, talking through the mouthful. “Heard you’re looking for a T.A.”

Remus paused, confused. “Where did you hear that?”

“Ah, right – I guess you weren’t the one looking. _They’re_ looking.” Sirius gestured to the mysterious _they_ and continued, “Apparently your embarrassing lack of technological prowess has become a problem.”

Remus felt his face grow warm with embarrassment. “Ah… the emails.”

“Mate, you keep copying the entire staff every time you send one… and apparently you haven’t responded to half the principal’s emails.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“Spend a lot of time in detention. I hear things.” Sirius brandished the stolen cookie at Remus. “You’re not old enough to have a valid excuse.”

Remus groaned, plopping his head into his hands. Sirius chuckled in response, ruffling Remus’ hair. “Don’t worry, that’s why I’m here. Let’s straighten you out… not that I’m an expert on _straightening_ anything out.” Sirius’ fingers lingered in Remus’ hair, twirling the curls as he finished, “but I know how to send a bloody email.”

Remus quickly leaned back, distancing himself from Sirius’ hands.

~*~ 

“God, Remus, how do you not know this shit? How old are you again?”

“Shut up.” 

“You can’t tell me to shut up! You’re a teacher.”

“Cease and desist.”

“Better,” Sirius smirked, directing his attention back to the emails. “Alright, that should do it. Now just make sure you’re in the right folder, and for the love of God, don’t hit ‘reply all’.”  

Remus sighed with relief, casting Sirius an appreciative look. “Thank you for saving this old man from further embarrassment.”

“You made me work on my birthday. You owe me.”

“I’ll be sure to bring an extra biscuit tomorrow.”

Sirius smiled, giving Remus a lingering once-over that left him feeling inexplicably light-headed. “Nah… I’ve got something better in mind.”

Remus coughed, shifting slightly in his seat. “I’m dreading it already.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. It was a rare sight to see him laugh like that. Remus liked the way he’d throw his head back, his eyes crinkling. It was sad he didn’t do it more often. “So – how’s the job hunt going?”

The laughter quickly faded from Sirius’ face. “Ah… good. It’s going good.”

“Well, _that_ was convincing.”

“I think I may have found a job.”

“You – Sirius! That’s fantastic!”

Sirius shrugged, “Yeah, I feel pretty good about it. Everything’s been going… surprisingly well for me lately.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Remus beamed. “Let me know if I can help with anything.”

Sirius glanced at Remus, his gaze piercing. “I will.”

Remus paused, not missing the subtle shift in Sirius’ tone… _Why did those words make him uneasy?_

Sirius winked and slipped off the desk as the bell rang to end lunch. “See you fourth period, professor.”  


	2. The Email

Remus plopped down on his bed, sighing contentedly. “I missed you.”

The bed didn’t respond.

He dragged himself up to make a cup of tea, then settled down at his desk, pulling his laptop out to dutifully check his emails. Practice makes perfect, and he needed to go over everything Sirius had shown him or he knew he’d forget.

After twenty minutes of stumbling, he had finally cleared out his inbox, feeling thoroughly pleased with himself. He was a geriatric _no more_.

Remus yawned, his bed looking wonderfully inviting, and reached out to close the laptop.

**_Inbox (1)_ **

Remus paused, staring at the new email that had just popped up.

Who was sending an email in the middle of the night?

The subject line read: **_Your New Assignment_ **

Confused, Remus opened the email.

**_Me._ **

**_PW: Orion_ **

Remus stared, baffled. He glanced beneath the oddly cryptic text to find a link.

_That wasn’t shady at all._

Remus debated furiously with himself, weighing the pros and cons of opening a potentially virus-infected link from a strange email, or satisfying his curiosity.

Curiosity won.

Remus clicked quickly, bringing up a password protected website. After only a brief moment’s hesitation, he typed in the given password, “Orion”.

That was his second mistake.

~*~

Remus jumped as a video popped up on the screen, titled “For Your Entertainment”.

Definitely not shady _at all_.

Remus didn’t know what he was supposed to be looking at. The only thing visible was a chair in a dark room. Suddenly, something moved, nearly causing Remus to go into cardiac arrest.

A young man entered the frame, hands in his pockets as he made his way languidly across the room and settled down in the chair. He wore a plain, white button-up shirt, black jeans, a jacket, a cap… and a blindfold that covered half of his face.

_What the hell?_

Remus stared, squinting. Something about the man looked strikingly familiar, but Remus couldn’t place where he’d seen him before. If it weren’t so _dark_ …

The man smiled, his lips the only visible part of his face. He had nice lips… _really_ nice lips. Remus shook his head, his cheeks suddenly warm.

The man suddenly reached down below the frame – between his legs.

Remus jerked as the stranger’s lips parted, a soft sound escaping. There was no way… _Was he–?_

The man gasped again, his arm moving rhythmically, out of sight.

With a start Remus exited out of the page, slamming his laptop closed.

~*~

Porn. Of course. Scams were becoming more elaborate by the day.

The words on the paper Remus was attempting, and failing, to grade blurred once again as his eyes went out of focus for the hundredth time.

He’d left his computer at home after realizing that it was probably infested with all kinds of junk that needed to be cleaned off…

_No pun intended._

Remus sighed miserably. He couldn’t even navigate his own email account. Was he really going to have to show up at Apple Support and ask them to help him clean his damn computer? God forbid he ask for Sirius’ help again.

“You look like your gerbil died in a freak vacuum accident.”

Remus nearly jumped out of his seat, leaving a large, blotchy mark across the paper. “Fu– I mean crap.”

“Nice save,” Sirius smirked, holding out a packaged biscuit for Remus. “It’s a chocolate one.”

Remus smiled appreciatively, trying to get his heart-rate to settle. “You know me well, but I can’t accept it.”

“Why not?”

“I still owe you from yesterday.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “No, you don’t.”

Remus threw Sirius a puzzled look and the boy’s smile faltered, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. “I stole your cookie. So, gotta be fair and repay you.”

“But, now I owe you again.”

“Very astute observation, professor.”     

Remus rolled his eyes in a wordless display of defeat and took the outstretched bribe. “Well, thank you, Mr. Black, for your generous offering.”

A wide smirk began to form on Sirius’ face before he quickly bit his lip, stopping it in its tracks. “You’re most welcome, professor Lupin.”   

Remus paused, his gaze lingering on the boy’s face.

_Strange…_

Suddenly a hand was waving in front of him. “You alright there?”

Remus shook his head, blinking owlishly as he realized how long he’d been staring, “Yeah, fine… I – I just had a weird déjà vu moment.”

“Or, maybe I just have a great face,” Sirius teased.

“Your face could do with a lesson in humility.”

“Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, amiright?”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say to that.”

Sirius chuckled and threw his bag over his shoulder, heading for the door. “Enjoy the biscuit.”

~*~

It didn’t _look_ like it was going to explode.

Remus had looked up how to check for viruses and left even more confused than he’d started, but nothing seemed off, so he supposed he was in the clear.

_Back to emails._

**_Inbox (3)_ **

Remus yawned, glancing quickly at the subject lines.

**_“Assembly Schedule…”_ **

**_“Fire drill on Friday…”_ **

**_“Dear Professor Lupin…”_ **

The last email – Remus didn’t recognize the address. Maybe it was from a student?

_Click._

**_You didn’t finish your assignment._ **

**_PW: TheGrim_ **

Remus stared, shocked. Was it a normal thing for scams to send cryptic follow-up emails that related to the first equally cryptic email? Did scams know your name and occupation?

Remus quickly wrote a response, feeling uneasy.

**_Please remove me from your list._ **

He sent the response and was about to close the window, when-

**_Are you sure you want that?_ **

The reply was so quick Remus almost jumped. It must have been automated. He sighed irritably. Sirius had shown him how to block email addresses, but of course he’d forgotten already. He supposed one more futile attempt would be the most he could accomplish tonight.

**_Stop. Cancel. Cease and Desist. Remove me from your list._ **

**_You’re the only one on my list._ **

Remus froze. _That_ wasn’t an automatic response.

**_Who is this?_ **

**_Why, did you enjoy me last night?_ **

Remus gaped at the screen. What the hell was happening? Did he have a stalker? That was a laugh. Who in their right mind would stalk him, of all people?

Wait… was it someone _not_ in their right mind? Was he about to become the victim in an episode of Criminal Minds?

Remus glanced behind him at the closed door, his hair standing on end.

**_If you’re that curious, Mr. Lupin, click the link. I’ll wait._ **

Remus sat for what felt like hours, staring at the words. His hands trembled as he attempted to type out a response.

**_What are you getting out of this?_ **

**_I like being seen by men who will appreciate me, and I think you might enjoy watching, Remus._ **

**_Why would you think that?_ **

**_Your university lectures._ **

Remus jumped, his eyes widening. So it _was_ someone he knew – or at least someone who knew _him_.

While he was in university, he’d T.A.’d for one of his English professors, who had coaxed him into giving several lectures, often to large auditoriums. Most of his lectures had centered around modern perceptions of sexuality in classic literature, and the diversity that could be found in the past. Clearly someone had picked up on his preferences and taken them to heart.

 **_I know you have a lot of questions, professor… but maybe, for now, just set the analyzing aside and let loose a bit. What harm will it do?_ **   

Remus could think of about a hundred good reasons it could be “harmful", the least of them centering on the fact that some _stranger_ had decided to look up his personal information so they could convince him to watch while they _jacked off_.

**_Am I safe in assuming it’s been a while since you’ve had some fun, Remus?_ **

Remus felt a small prick of resentment at the fact that an anonymous stalker was calling him out for having no sex life.

Well, if he was being completely honest, it _had_ been a really long time since… God, was it _that_ apparent?

_Remus, no._

Remus drummed his fingers agitatedly against his thigh. The guy had _really_ nice lips… and obviously he, for some reason unbeknownst to Remus, really wanted to–

_No Remus!_

Well, the first email hadn’t fried his computer, so there wasn’t _really_ any harm in it, right?

_What the fuck, Remus!?_

How was he supposed to find out who it was if he didn’t click the link?

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Remus debated furiously with himself, the tension boiling up inside of him until it was almost unbearable. Finally, curiosity overruling his better judgement, Remus clicked the link, quickly entering the password before he could talk himself out of it.

That was his third mistake.

_Three strikes, you’re out._


	3. Orion

_There he was… the anonymous prick._

The man was sitting in the middle of the frame, wearing a black, button up shirt and the same cap and blindfold from the previous night.

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. Was it really a live video? He glanced around the screen… maybe there was a chat feature.

“Why, so you can play a friendly game of twenty questions?” Remus muttered dryly to himself.

Movement distracted him and he glanced back up. The man had leaned back, his long fingers nimbly unbuttoning each button on his shirt with a speed that left Remus both incredibly impressed, and thoroughly flustered. It took him ages to get his blasted dress shirts on and off.    

Remus stared, transfixed, as the man finished with the buttons, letting the shirt slide off his shoulders and drape aesthetically on his arms.

He was much slighter… _softer_ , than Remus had anticipated.  

_He looked like a painting._

The man raised one hand to his lips, his thumb brushing against them, long fingers trailing slowly along his neck, sweeping across his chest, drawing a line down his stomach…  

The way he moved was mesmerizing. His elegance seemed out of place, clashing with the strange, lascivious nature of what was happening.

Remus couldn’t look away.

The hand dropped out of frame, and the man tensed, biting his lip. Remus felt his pulse quicken, suddenly rattled. He wished he could say something, _speak_ to him. The passive observation made him feel uncomfortably crude.  

The man’s hand was moving teasingly, out of sight. With each stroke he became a little more undone, his lip slipping out from between his teeth, his mouth dropping open to release a small gasp and his abdomen tensing as the rhythm picked up. Every detail was stark on the screen, and Remus felt heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, his breath trapped in his lungs.  

The man let out a soft, choked moan. “ _Fuck._ ”   

Remus felt his entire body react, recognition tugging at the corners of his mind.

 _That voice…_ Remus felt a thrill of terror rush through him. He struggled to pull himself out of the haze that had settled in his mind, dragging his eyes away from the screen.  

What was he thinking!? He had no idea who this man was, how he had contacted him, what he wanted… this was absolutely ludicrous!  

Remus glanced back at the screen, adrenaline coursing through him. He needed… God, he needed to…

The young man’s neck tensed, muscles shuddering as sweat dripped down his chest. Remus groaned involuntarily, stomach lurching with what he _needed_ to do.

 _No_ . He _needed_ a cold shower and sleep so he could think straight.

 _Ha, right._ He’d never felt less straight in his life.

Remus took one last look at the screen, nearly losing himself again as the young man threw his head back, panting. With more effort than should have been necessary, Remus closed the page and stared blankly at the screen, mind whirling.

Tomorrow.

He’d deal with it tomorrow.

Exhaustion hitting him like a ton a bricks, Remus dragged himself away from the computer and plopped down, face first and fully clothed, onto his bed.

~*~

_Orion._

Orion was the first password, and what Remus had started calling the nameless man. He couldn’t stand leaving him unnamed – it felt wrong after having seen him in such an intimate setting.   

 _He was so familiar_. His voice, his face…

Orion… _Orion_ …

“Morning, professor.”

Remus glanced up to find James’ grinning face inches from his own.

“Ah, James. You’re just in time for our lesson on _personal space_.”

James snorted, Remus’ sarcasm clearly having little impact on his excellent mood. “She said yes.”

“Come again?”

“Lily! I asked her to the dance this weekend.” James looked about ready to explode with unbridled joy as he finished, “She said yes!”

With no small effort, Remus pulled himself out of the tangled mess in his mind, plastering on a smile. “Look what happens when you talk to a girl like a normal person.”

“No kidding, who would’ve thought!?” James shook his head in awe. “Brilliant, you are.”

Remus snorted. “Well, congratulations James. How did you ask–?”

“For the love of all that is decent, don’t encourage him.” Sirius appeared next to James, flicking him sharply on the nose. James yelped, eyes watering, then launched himself at the other boy.

As the entirety of James’ rugby weight hit him, Sirius yelped, crying out frantically as they both nearly tumbled to the ground, “ _FUCK!”_

Remus froze as the expletive passed Sirius’ lips.

 _That voice…_  

Sirius burst out laughing as he tussled with James, his smile standing out like a beacon.

_It was Sirius._

White noise filled Remus’ mind, his entire body suddenly numb. The bell rang, cutting through the panic that was mounting inside of him. James and Sirius broke apart, laughing breathlessly, and headed to their seats, still trying to flick each other on the nose.

Remus couldn’t breathe.

The class gradually filed in and settled down, dozens of eyes looking at him expectantly. Remus heard himself instructing them on their assignment, but his mind was racing a million miles a minute and his gaze kept sliding back to Sirius before quickly, _shamefully_ , looking away.

_It had to be him._

Ragged breaths, quiet moans… Remus could hear it in the back of his mind on repeat, no matter how hard he tried to push it away. He closed his eyes, failing to block out the imagery that kept bursting into his head.

_Why? Why would Sirius do something like that?_

“Sirius?” Remus cursed inwardly, the name slipping out of his mouth before he could stop it. Sirius glanced up from his paper, along with a few other curious eyes. Remus cleared his throat nervously, “W–Would you mind staying after class? I need to speak with you.”  

Sirius threw him a perplexed look, but nodded. “Sure thing, professor.”

~*~

Remus kept glancing at the clock, his anxiety mounting with each passing minute. The students rose to pass in their papers, smiling and chatting with him as they slowly filed out of the classroom. Finally, the noise subsided, leaving only Sirius.

Sirius approached Remus’ desk, smiling good-naturedly and looking for all the world like an innocent, unassuming teenager.

Remus felt his tongue turn to lead. He couldn’t ask him. _He couldn’t._

_What if he was wrong?_

“You wanted to speak to me?” Sirius prompted. Remus realized he’d been gaping like a goldfish for a solid minute. He quickly snapped his mouth shut, dizzy.

“Yes, I wanted to discuss… the T.A. position.” Remus heard the words leave his mouth, but had no idea what foggy corner of his brain he’d pulled that bullshit from.

Sirius smiled, plopping down in a chair opposite of Remus. “Ha! You actually considering it? The emails becoming too much for you?”

Remus tensed, his heart racing as he unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “Wh–what emails?”

Sirius’ smile faltered at Remus’ panicked tone, a curious look flickering across his face. “Er, emails… in general?”

_Get ahold of yourself Remus._

This was insane. Of course it wasn’t Sirius. What the hell was he thinking? The poor boy clearly had no idea why his English professor was having a mental breakdown in front of him.

Remus felt sick having thought it could be him – sick that he had even _thought_ about a student that way.

“Are you alright?” Remus glanced up to find Sirius leaning over the desk, reaching out to feel his forehead. “You’re not looking so hot, teach’.”

Remus leaned back quickly. “I’m fine, just feeling a–a bit under the weather.”

Sirius let his hand drop. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“Thank you for the concern.” Remus’ laugh was unnatural, even to his own ears, his smile plastered on like a mask.

“Yeah… Anyway, I’ve gotta run, but let me know what you decide?”

“I will.”

Sirius cast him one more perturbed look, then hiked his bag higher on his shoulder and headed out the door, leaving Remus to his restless thoughts.

He _must_ have been wrong. He couldn’t imagine Sirius would be capable of interacting so casually with him after the events of last night. Besides, there was no logical reason for someone like Sirius to be interested in someone like him.

Remus felt a wave of relief flood through him _… It wasn’t Sirius._


	4. Your Eyes Only

_Wednesday._

**_PW: Snuffles_ **

Remus had never thought a word like “snuffles” would elicit such a feeling of dread inside of him. He could feel the panic resurfacing. There was no way he was about to do this again.

He wracked his brain, trying to recall what Sirius had told him about blocking emails. Finally, remembering that the internet was a thing, he searched for the answer online.  

_There._

After a few minutes of fumbling, Remus sat back, satisfied. No more emails, no more temptation.

Remus yawned and plopped down on his bed, letting his eyes drift closed…

_Pale skin against a dark backdrop. Remus could hear the young man gasp, his lips parting and chest heaving with each ragged breath–_

Remus’ eyes flew open.

_Fuck._

He groaned, attempting to smother himself with his pillow. It didn’t help.

Remus didn’t get any sleep that night.

~*~

_Thursday._

**_Nice try professor._ **

**_PW: Padfoot_ **

Another email, from a different account.

_Shit._

Remus stared at the screen for what felt like hours. Orion’s persistence was both entirely inappropriate and utterly terrifying.

…and perhaps a little flattering.

_God, he was fucking hopeless._

Remus bit his lip painfully, glaring at the link below as if it were personally mocking him – which he supposed it was.

_Maybe one more look, for clarity._

Remus scolded himself as he clicked the link. When had he become so impulsive… and flat-out stupid?

_This wasn’t like him._

All coherent thought fled from his mind the second the man appeared in front of him.

Orion still wore the cap and blindfold. Remus was starting to hate the sight of it. He also wore a simple black t-shirt, which had been hiked up above his chest, the hem caught between his teeth. Remus stared, his body instantly aching with need.

It became readily apparent that Orion had been _at it_ for a while. He was already covered in sweat, his strained breath hissing through the cloth trapped between his teeth and muscles twitching.

Remus felt the familiar heat, his eyes fluttering closed. Orion let out a depraved moan and Remus felt his teeth clench to prevent himself from doing the same.

_He was so beautiful._

Remus lasted less than a minute longer before he closed out of the page, the blood pounding in his ears.  

~*~

_Friday._

**_PW: Griffin_ **

What was the harm in it? Really? Nothing bad had happened so far…

_So, why did he feel so guilty?_

He had nothing to feel guilty about.

Remus gritted his teeth, repeating the words to himself several times before clicking the link.

He lasted two-and-a-half minutes before slamming the laptop closed.

~*~

_Saturday._

**_PW: Alcatraz_ **

Remus didn’t think twice.

Orion’s moans instantly filled the room. Remus’ body reacted before his mind could even register the sound.

He couldn’t understand it. _There was nothing to gain_ … for Remus maybe, but not for _him_. Why was this random, gorgeous stranger so hell-bent on pleasuring some dirt-poor, homely English professor?

_It didn’t make any sense._

Remus breathed in sharply through clenched teeth as Orion cursed, trembling with each motion of the hand that was moving out of sight.

He watched, feeling strangely disconnected. If only he could talk to him.

_He was tired of being alone._

Remus closed the page after five minutes, feeling hollow.

~*~

_Sunday._

**_PW: Phoenix_ **

Remus studied Orion’s face, desperate.

_Who the hell was he!?_

Everything about him was so familiar… he looked just like–

No. It _wasn’t_ him, so who was it?

Orion bit his lip, his open shirt slipping off one pale shoulder. Remus’ stomach twisted. It had been seven minutes. He’d never watched for this long… he’d never seen Orion finish.

Orion shuddered, mouth opening wider as his low, rasping breaths grew quicker, matching the speed of his strokes.

“Oh god, f-fuck–”  

Remus gasped at the sound, his hand suddenly hovering over the painful erection in his jeans.  

_How could he be sure it wasn’t him?_

With more effort than he had ever thought necessary, Remus slammed the computer closed, his eyes wide and cock throbbing.

_He couldn’t keep doing this._

~*~

It had been three days since he’d stopped clicking the links.  

Remus felt like an addict without a fix. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was maddening. He’d go home each night and furiously clean his house, or bury himself in paperwork, cold showers, long drives, loud music – _anything_ to distract himself.

Avoiding it was only making him want it more.

Nothing was helping – and it was worse at school. Remus found his eyes drifting towards Sirius during each lesson. He watched the way he moved, studying his lips, the way his tongue darted out to wet them when he smiled, the way he talked, the way he bit the tip of his pencils…

_It had to be him._

Why would it be him? What could Sirius possibly have to gain by putting Remus through this hell?

It didn’t make any sense. He was going mad.

~*~

Remus waited for the link, planted firmly at his desk. He refreshed the page every few minutes, feeling positively sickened by his own spiraling need – for letting this go so far.

**_Inbox (1)_ **

All other thought, all of his reasoning, fled instantly from his mind.

**_For your eyes only._ **

**_PW: Me_ **

Remus quickly typed out the password, his heart beating painfully against his ribcage.

Orion appeared, blindfold in place. Remus felt the all-too-familiar heat pool in his stomach at the mere sight of him, along with the disgust that accompanied his own weakness. _If only he could talk to him._

A broad smirk spread lazily across Orion’s face as he reached up, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, making a show out of revealing every inch of skin. Remus shuddered as the dark material dropped to the floor. He didn’t know how anyone could look like that – it didn’t seem humanly possible to be that perfect.

Orion rose from the seat, pushing the chair aside and stepping back until the rest of his body was in frame… then he slowly began to unbutton his jeans.

He’d never done this before.

Remus felt his mouth go dry as the boy slipped out of his clothes entirely, vulnerable and exposed in the center of the room. Panicked, Remus quickly rushed to close the laptop.

“Don’t leave.”

The plea was soft, whispered. Remus halted in his tracks, his hand quivering.  

Orion held perfectly still, waiting. Remus suddenly felt a thrill of terror at the thought that perhaps he could see him too.

_Terror… or was it excitement?_

After the momentary pause, blindfold and cap still firmly in place, Orion took a deep breath and knelt down on the ground. He lifted his hand to his lips and slipped two fingers into his mouth, making an obscene sound as he did.

Remus gripped the edge of the desk, rooted to the spot.

He lapped at the fingers, pulling them out slowly and letting them trail down, down, down, until they wrapped around his cock. He stroked once, twice, and his mouth dropped open to rasp, “ _Remus…_ ”

Remus nearly came undone on the spot.

Orion started off slow, tension building with each passing moment as he stroked himself. Remus felt as though he was standing over an abyss, about to be thrown over the edge at any moment.

It didn’t take long for Orion to begin panting, his legs trembling where he knelt. He leaned back on his free hand for support, thrusting into the fingers wrapped around his length.

Remus could feel his own erection pressing painfully against him. Throwing caution to the wind, he unzipped his fly, freeing the erection and allowing himself a moment of reprieve… but he still couldn’t bring himself to touch.

The young man spread his legs wider as sweat trickled from beneath the blindfold and neck, pooling in his collarbones. Suddenly, the blindfold slipped… just a bit.

But not enough.

Remus’ eyes widened, the blood pounding in his ears nearly driving out all other sound… until Orion moaned in that maddeningly depraved way, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

The simple action was so familiar it nearly knocked Remus from his seat.

_It was Sirius… it had to be._

Remus could hear his common sense screaming at him, hear the panic alarms going off, but he couldn’t look away.

“ _Fuck… Rem-”_

Remus felt the air rush from his lungs at the desperate phrase. He groaned and closed his eyes, dropping his forehead against the desk, his hand trembling above his painful, aching erection.

_This was so wrong._

Through his own labored breathing he could still hear Orion’s quickened pants, his occasional longing whine. It was overwhelming. _He had to stop this._

Remus dragged his hand away from himself, gripping the edge of the desk and lifting his gaze, intent on closing the page and ending the madness… but he froze.

Orion jerked, his head thrown back and legs spread wide, movements becoming erratic as he drew closer to release. He thrust up desperately into his hand, his gasps turning into frantic expletives. Remus couldn’t move, transfixed as with one final thrust, Orion’s mouth dropped opened, his back arching and body convulsing as he cried out, riding out the orgasm as he came all over himself.

Remus felt his entire body react, choking as the heat burned through him, his weeping cock pulsing. He let out a strangled sound as he came, hands free, clutching the edge of the desk and shuddering uncontrollably.

With one final gasp, he slumped back in his chair, vision blurring and ears ringing.

_Wha– What the fuck just happened!?_

Remus stared in mounting horror at the screen as reality slowly seeped back into his consciousness.

Orion was sitting in the chair again, facing the camera. A smile spread across his lips as he slowly reached up. Remus realized with a jolt what was about to happen.  

The man removed his cap, inky black hair cascading down around his face, followed quickly by the dark material of his blindfold… revealing pale, stormy grey eyes.

Sirius Black stared directly at the camera, grinning. “Hello, professor.”


	5. A Simple Solution

Remus slammed the laptop closed with enough force to break it.

Orion was a student… _His_ student. He’d been watching Sirius Black every night for over a week.

Remus felt bile rise in his throat and tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

Why hadn’t he stopped when he’d suspected? Why had he made so many excuses? _What the fuck was he thinking!?_

Remus stood up, throwing his coat on, and rushed out of the apartment. He didn’t know where he was going, he just had to get out of that room… had to get away from that–

Remus cursed, the cold night air cutting through him like a knife. He halted in the middle of the street, staring into the darkness with mounting dread.

_What had he done?_

~*~

Remus sat in the empty classroom with his fingers drumming agitatedly against his desk. He’d sent a message to Sirius’ student email asking him to arrive early. He had to speak with him as soon as possible. The thought of waiting a full day made him want to explode.

What if he didn’t come?

_Well, clearly he’d already come._

Remus cursed inwardly, sweating. He dropped his head into his hands, the scribbled words on the paper below him blurring as tears threatened to fall again.

“Remus?”

Remus nearly jumped out of his skin, his head shooting up, eyes puffy and voice strained as he practically shouted, “ _Sit down!”_

Sirius took a startled step back. Remus gawked, the events of last night flashing through his mind. He held out a trembling hand and pointed to the seat in front of him. “P-please… sit down.”

Sirius stared warily as he settled himself down in the seat, his expression infuriatingly unreadable. “You wanted to speak with me?”

Remus gaped at him, anger quickly rising to the surface until it pounded against his temples, causing his head to ache. “Are you serious?”

“That’s what they call me.”

Remus took a deep breath, the air hissing out through his clenched teeth. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I mean, I have a lot of thoughts. What exactly are you referring to?” Sirius responded blandly.

Remus shook his head, hysteria lacing his words “Stop it. I feel like I’m going insane… _please_ Sirius, we have to talk about this.”

At that, Sirius’ steady gaze broke, his nonchalant demeanor crumbling as he looked away, jaw clenched. Remus felt relief flood through him, taking the opportunity to press forward and get some answers.   

“What’s happening, Sirius? Why did you… why _would_ you-”

“I needed the money.”

Remus stared, utterly baffled. “What are you talking about?“

Sirius shrugged, still refusing to look Remus in the eye. “Cam Modeling is a lucrative business.”

Remus’ mind whirled, the puzzle pieces slowly falling into place. “S-so that’s what this is about? Money? Are… are you _blackmailing_ me?”

Sirius finally looked up, horrified. “God, no, Remus!”

“Then why are you doing this to me!?” Remus practically shrieked.

“You’re not the only one I sent that link to, professor,” Sirius said quietly.  

Remus faltered, his stomach clenching. “There were others?”

Sirius shrugged, gaze downcast again. “Did you think you were the only one watching?”

Remus felt instantly ill, Sirius’ words echoing in his head. With some difficulty, he shook off the feeling. “I – I don’t understand.” It still didn’t make sense… nothing made sense. “I haven’t given you any money.”  

“I know.” Sirius suddenly looked up again, holding Remus firmly in his own burning gaze. “I don’t want money from you.”

Remus gripped the arm of his chair.

Sirius leaned forward, a strangely playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lip. “You owed me… remember?”

Remus’ voice came out hoarse as he croaked, “Are-are you trying to bribe your way to a scholarship or something?”

Sirius sighed irritably. “Fucking hell, Remus, you’re utterly daft, you know that?”

“ _Watch it_.”

Sirius sat back, murmuring, “It’s not like that. I just–” he took a deep, shuddering breath and quietly finished, “It made it easier… knowing you were watching.”

Remus froze. Sirius was staring at him – _through_ him. Remus had never felt so vulnerable in his life, or so confused. “ _Why?”_

“I feel like I’ve made that fairly obvious.”

Remus shook his head slowly. “You have to stop this.”

“I told you. I need the money.”

“So you couldn’t go work at a burger joint like everyone else!? God, you’re just a kid Sirius! This is _fucking insane!”_ Remus cried.

“I’m eighteen, Remus. Besides, they’ll just find it somewhere else, won’t they?”  

_“Sirius!”_

Sirius bristled, leaning forward, his cool eyes narrowed dangerously. “Are you going to try and tell on me? Bit awkward, all things considered.”

Remus gripped the edge of the desk in an effort to hold his ground, gritting his teeth as he growled, “This can’t go on. It stops now.”  

Sirius stared for what felt like an eternity, his stormy eyes taking Remus in, dissecting him as they slowly roved up and down. Remus shuddered.

Sirius leaned forward across the desk, his hand slipping around Remus’ tie before he could react. Remus felt the air flee from his lungs as Sirius tugged him forward, their faces inches apart.

“If that’s really what you want, there’s a simple solution, professor.”

In one fluid motion Sirius released the tie and wrapped his hand around the nape of Remus’ neck, pulling him close. His lips brushed against Remus’ ear, causing the older man to jerk. Sirius held him firmly in place.

“If you don’t want me,” he whispered, his breath warm against Remus’ jaw, fingers trailing down his neck, “ _don’t click the link._ ”

Remus was paralyzed. His eyes fluttered closed as Sirius’ lips brushed against his jawline, drawing an almost desperate sound from the professor’s throat. Remus could feel Sirius smirk against him, his long fingers tangling in Remus’ hair. Suddenly, the younger man tugged at the curls, pulling Remus’ head back and exposing his neck as he ducked down, nipping and sucking at the sensitive, feverish skin.

Remus yelped, tearing himself away, eyes wild with panic.

Sirius stayed where he was, leaning over the desk, his words capturing Remus and trapping him there as he murmured, “A little gift… just to make sure you think of me tonight.”

Remus tried to form some kind of stuttered response through the endless screams that were echoing in his mind, but he realized too late that the screaming wasn’t actually screaming… it was the bell.

He was out of time.

~*~

Sirius had vanished, but Remus knew he’d see him later that day.

He was dreading it.

As the class began to file in, Remus threw on the scarf he’d worn to fight off the morning chill, somewhat-effectively hiding the evidence of what had transpired. He looked absolutely ridiculous, and the students cast him odd looks as they settled down in their seats.

Remus went through the lesson on autopilot, his mind a jumbled mess. By the time class ended, his brain was so addled he could barely focus, the heat nearly giving him a stroke.

He had a few minutes until the next class, so he rushed to the bathroom to assess the damage, praying that it wasn’t as bad as he feared it was. Remus slammed the door to the restroom shut and ripped off the scarf.

_Oh… oh no._

He stared at himself in the mirror, the color draining from his face. Sirius had shown no mercy. The dark hickey on his neck stood out starkly against his pale skin and he could feel the panic rising in his throat. How the hell was he going to hide that!?

He could keep wearing the scarf, but the heat was already getting to him and he didn’t fancy passing out in front of his students. As if on cue, Remus felt himself sway dangerously and closed his eyes, steadying himself against the sink.

He supposed there was no way for anyone to know where it had come from, but his face burned with embarrassment at the thought of all the jeering he was about to endure. High school students were relentless – and he didn’t want to have to keep thinking about what had happened every time someone pointed it out.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to stare at the mark again. He could feel Sirius’ lips on him, his breath hot against his jaw. He could hear the rasp in his voice as he whispered _“think of me tonight.”_

Remus groaned, contemplating drowning himself in the sink. Instead he settled for splashing a substantial amount of cold water on his face.

_He had to get back._

Remus shook his head, pushing his dripping bangs back. He’d just have to deal with it for now. He’d figure out some way to resolve this whole mess later.

With one final, deep breath, he squared his shoulders and headed back to class, mentally preparing for the hours of mockery ahead of him.   

~*~

After an entire day of trying to act like everything was fine, an entire day of, as he’d feared, relentless giggling and teasing, Remus felt like he was going to come apart at the seams.

He had thrown the scarf back on for his final period, unable to take it anymore, and was now sweating profusely. He ran his fingers agitatedly through his damp hair and glanced up, freezing when his eyes met Sirius’ steady gaze.

Sirius pointedly quirked his brow at the scarf. Remus returned the look with a scowl and was met with an infuriatingly satisfied smirk. Sirius leaned back, casually lifting his pen to his lips and dragging it across his bottom lip. Remus felt his stomach lurch.

Sirius caught the pen lightly between his teeth, flicking his pink tongue out to brush the tip.

This time it wasn’t the scarf that made Remus feverish. He looked quickly away.

Sirius clearly wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and Remus couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go through this again.

_He had to transfer._


	6. No More Links

_He couldn’t transfer._

What was he thinking? He couldn’t keep running away. He had to face this.

Remus’ hand trembled on the doorknob. _He could do this._

After a brief mental prep-talk, Remus entered the classroom... to find Sirius sitting on his desk.

_Nope_. He took it back. He was _definitely_ going to transfer.

“Sirius, not again–”

“You didn’t click the link.”

Sirius’ tone was challenging. Remus took a deep breath through clenched teeth, trying to settle his stomach. He would never admit how hard it had been to delete that email. “It’s not happening, Sirius.”

Sirius shrugged, smirking. “We’ll see.”

“No, we won’t.”

“I told you, if you want it to stop, just–”

“I will have you transferred into another English class, Sirius,” Remus warned.

Sirius faltered, startled. His eyes flashed and he hesitated for just a moment before responding, “You’d miss me too much.”

“I certainly wouldn’t miss the complete lack of respect you’ve shown me,” Remus countered. “This needs to end. I’m not that kind of man, Sirius.”

“Sure. You just keep that good-boy act up,” Sirius muttered, slipping off the desk and heading toward the door.

“What did you say!?”

“I saw how many times you watched,” Sirius snapped, rounding on Remus.

Remus took a hasty step back, shaken. “I didn’t know it was you.”

“Oh, please, are you trying to tell me my Clark Kent level disguise stumped you? Play coy all you want, you’re not fooling anyone, _professor_.”

Remus stood, rooted to the spot, for what felt like an eternity. His gaze seemed to almost hyperfocus on the boy in front of him, the edges of his vision blurring. Slowly, he unstuck his tongue, voice hoarse. “This is the last time I will speak to you outside of a professional capacity, Mr. Black.”

Sirius’ narrowed eyes widened, his mouth dropping open slightly.

“I will see you fourth period. Don’t forget you have an essay due.”

Sirius flinched at the statement, the finality in Remus’ tone seeming to strike a chord. The boy opened his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it, at a loss for words. Instead, he nodded swiftly and turned, practically fleeing from the classroom. 

Remus sighed, plopping down at his desk with his knees shaking and chest hollow. He suddenly felt much older than his years warranted.

~*~

_No more links._

Remus blocked the address, _again_ , his stomach twisting as he did so. After a month, he thought Sirius had finally given up, but he always seemed to pop up again to catch Remus off-guard. Finding another email in his inbox after a week of nothing sent an unwelcome thrill rushing through him.

This was so much harder than he’d thought it would be. His own weakness was sickening.

Remus had stopped speaking to Sirius outside of class. Sirius had tried, but Remus would find an excuse to leave; he had a meeting, he had to grade papers, his cat was sick, his grandfather had choked on a legume…

It made him sad, at least part of him.

He hated admitting it, but he missed their banter. He missed the moments when the facade crumbled and Sirius became real – the moments when he’d talk about his family and his struggles. Somehow, in a strange way, it had made Remus feel a little less alone.

He missed a lot of things about Sirius, actually…

~*~

The emails stopped.

Remus supposed he should be happy about it.

This was what he’d wanted, right?

~*~

Sirius hadn’t spoken a word to him in over three months. His grades were slipping, his attendance was abysmal, and Remus was getting worried.

James still bantered with him, Peter still asked him for advice, so clearly Sirius hadn’t said anything to them about what had transpired – but the tension hadn’t escaped them.

“Mind if I ask what happened between you and Sirius?”

Remus’ heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

James tossed his pen in the air and caught it without looking, his brow furrowed in thought. “He was doing really well… when you guys were talking.”

Remus held his breath, not trusting himself to speak.

“It’s been a hard year, and I’m not great at, like, _talking_ ,” James sighed, spinning the pen expertly around his thumb. “I can make him laugh and kind of forget how shit his family is for a bit, but he liked talking to you. What happened?”   

Remus shook his head, clearing his throat nervously, “Sirius wasn’t keen on listening to what I had to say.”

“Sounds like him.”

Remus shrugged, praying James wouldn’t press the issue.

“I’m worried about him,” James said quietly, twisting the pen agitatedly.

“Is something wrong?”

“He never leaves his room anymore, just locks himself in there and watches Netflix or something.”

Remus winced, feeling suddenly ill and light-headed.

James continued, “When he does leave, he won’t tell me where he’s going. It’s happened a few times now. He doesn’t get back until late. One night he didn’t come home at all.”

Remus could feel dread rising inside of him. If he was starting to go out at night, did that mean he was…?   

“Could you talk to him?”

Remus froze, his gaze slowly rising to meet James’ concerned hazel eyes. “I-I don’t know if that would be a good idea, James.”

“It was worth a shot.”

_Goddammit._

The poor, bespeckled boy sounded so defeated that Remus felt the words slip off his tongue before he could take them back, “I can try.”

James lit up like a Christmas tree, his lopsided grin taking up nearly half of his face. “You know what? You’re an exceptional dude, Professor Lupin.”

Remus smiled weakly, feeling faint. This was a _terrible_ idea.

~*~

The class began packing up. Remus could see Sirius quickly throwing everything into his bag, ready to race out the door.

“Sirius, if you could stay after, I’d like to speak with you.” Remus heard the words force their way through his quickly closing windpipe and he cringed, clearing his throat anxiously.

Sirius’ head shot up, his eyes widening in surprise. Lips set into a thin line, he nodded, casting Remus a suspicious look. The bell rang and the other students filed out, leaving Remus and Sirius staring at each other in deafening silence.

“What do you want?”

Remus winced at the cold tone. “I want to know how you’re doing.”

Sirius snorted, his eyes rolling impressively in his head. “Sure.”

Remus sighed, rubbing his temples as the familiar throbbing headache that usually accompanied any interaction with Sirius hit. “Your grades have been slipping, and–”

“Cool, good to know. Nice talk,” Sirius cut in as he snatched up his bag, storming towards the door.

“If you try to walk out of this room before I finish talking to you, I will physically sit you down myself,” Remus practically shouted, anger finally getting the best of him.

Sirius halted in his tracks, turning slowly as a disbelieving laugh escaped his lips. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, _sir_.”

“Jesus. Shut up for two _goddamn_ seconds, and sit down.”

Sirius hesitated at Remus’ uncharacteristic anger, but the moment passed and he obliged, “When did you become so demanding? It’s kinda hot.”

Remus ignored him, pulling up a chair and sitting across from the younger man. “There’s no excuse for what you’ve been doing. _None_.”

The smirk dropped from Sirius’ lips, his eyes flashing. “What, are you suddenly missing your emails?”

“I’m talking about school. I’m talking about your _life_ , Sirius,” Remus snapped. “There’s no excuse for you to throw away all of your potential, all of your _hard work_ , because I won’t give you what you want.”

Sirius bristled, his eyes narrowing. “Alright, if that’s all you had to say, I think I’ll be off now.”

“Your friends are worried about you. _I’m_ worried about you.” Remus could feel the floodgates opening, the words spilling out in a dangerously unfiltered wave. “You’re fucking brilliant. _Effortlessly_ brilliant! There’s no reason for you to be failing my class. I don’t think there’s anything you couldn’t do if you set your mind to it-”

“Except you.”

Remus sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re not punishing _me_ by doing this, Sirius, the only one you’re hurting is yourself.”

“Keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel better.”

Remus let his hand drop, his whole body sagging in the chair as he stared at the headstrong boy in front of him.

_He was so tired._

Shaking his head, he spoke the next words that entered his mind, “Is this what your parents did to you?”

Sirius went rigid in his seat. “What?”

“Did they try to guilt you into complying with their demands?” Remus asked quietly, searching Sirius’ face. An impenetrable silence stretched between them, so thick it was almost tangible. Remus leaned forward, locking Sirius’ wavering gaze in his own. “If they did, and if you understand how that feels… why would you treat someone else that way?”

Sirius leaned back in his chair as if trying to put as much distance between them as possible, his grey eyes wide.

“I know how it feels to not have control over your life, and I know how it feels to want to be loved… This isn’t the way to do it, Sirius,” Remus said softly.

Sirius sank further into his chair, suddenly looking very small and young. It made Remus’ heart ache.

“I… I have to go.” Sirius reached blindly for his bag, trying desperately to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. Remus didn’t move as the boy rushed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

Maybe that hadn’t been the right thing to do.

Remus certainly didn’t feel better. _He just felt empty._


	7. A Regular Date

Remus sat on his bed in sweat pants and a loose t-shirt that he had purchased from a thrift store when he was still in high school. The shirt had a cheesy, retro graphic of a _The Wolf Man_ slapped across the front, and had been tucked away in the dark corner of his closet for three years now… but after the day he’d had, he felt like comfort clothes were warranted.

Remus scrolled aimlessly through his emails, squinting as he responded to students’ questions and attempting to ignore the headache that was threatening to tip towards migraine-status. He shouldn’t have had that fourth cup of coffee.

He finished clicking through the emails, and was about to open another tab for Netflix when…

**_Inbox (1)_ **

Remus sighed and clicked back over to find another student email… from Sirius Black.

Sirius had never used his school email before.

Remus hesitated. After a furious internal debate with himself, he opened the email.

**_I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. You were right._ **

Remus had to re-read the words several times before they began to sink in.

He slowly closed his laptop, a pleasant warmth flooding through him as he plopped back against his pillow, staring at the ceiling. After a few more minutes, he curled up, his mind blissfully blank for the first time in months, and fell asleep.

~*~

Sirius didn’t speak to him the next day, but Remus received another email that night – and the next night – and the night after that.

Sirius talked about himself, about his life growing up, about his parents and his brother. He talked about how he’d met James, and how much James had helped him over the years.

He talked about the day his freshman class took a field trip to the local university so that the students could attend lectures and get an idea of what they wanted to do.

He talked about the lecture he’d sat in on – the one Remus had given.

Listening to Remus talk about the classics, about diverse forms of love in literature, had made him feel a little less alone, a little less broken. He wasn’t the only one who felt the way he did… people like him had always been there.

Remus couldn’t bring himself to reply. He almost feared that if he did, Sirius would stop.

This side of Sirius… _this_ side of him was amazing.

Remus didn’t want him to stop.  

~*~

The emails continued for the next few weeks, and eventually, Remus responded. He talked about growing up in a military family, and about moving a lot as a child. It had been hard for him to establish friendships when he was constantly being uprooted.

When he was finally old enough to move out, he had settled in the first town he could plant his feet in, and stayed there for the duration of his university experience, refusing to even move apartments for fear he’d be swept away again and lose the friends he’d made.

The distance the emails provided made Remus feel safe. It was nice having someone to talk to… someone who understood.

Sirius was so…

_Shit._

He was slipping again.

~*~

Remus sincerely regretted every life decision that had led him to accept an invitation for coffee from Professor Lockhart.

The man was about eleven years Remus’ senior and had somehow learned about his preferences the week before. Since then, Remus hadn’t been able to walk past him without receiving a broad grin or a suggestive wink.

Finally, after a week of painfully obvious hints that left Remus thoroughly embarrassed, Lockhart had asked him out.

Well, _why not?_

He needed to get out, to start dating. Lockhart was a... _traditionally_ handsome guy, even if his smile was a little manic and looked like he spent the weekends modeling for Colgate commercials.

He was also a successful author. Granted, Remus had never read any of his books, but he knew a lot of people – _mostly_ older women – that were very fond of them.

Against his better judgement, Remus had convinced himself that maybe this was just what he needed.

_God, he was such an idiot._

Remus had been trapped in a booth for three hours now. Lockhart had done nothing in the duration of that time but talk about his new book, which he was convinced was going to be the next best seller, and stop to stare at himself every time he caught his own reflection in the window.

Lockhart’s unceasing dedication to his own self image was somewhat admirable.  

Remus nodded absently while the older man droned on, throwing out a short hum of acknowledgment as he swirled his spoon in his fifth cup of coffee, watching the sugar dissolve.

The blonde man cast Remus another one of his winning smiles. “So, what inspired you to pursue literature, Remmy?”  

Remus jerked, startled out of his wandering thoughts by the horrendous nickname. Lockhart beamed expectantly at him and Remus struggled to form a coherent sentence out of the sludge that had seeped into his brain. “Oh… I, er, I read a lot of Wilde as a kid.”

“Ah, the classics, very good, I remember when I was young–”

Remus bit his lip to keep himself from blurting out something he might regret. Why on earth had he thought it a good idea to go out with a coworker? He was going to have to avoid the man for the rest of the year!

Remus was so caught up in his own dismay that he almost missed the buzzing in his pocket. Gradually he came back to reality and glanced down, the light from his phone glowing through his jacket.

“Excuse me one second, I need to grab this.”

Remus removed himself from the table, noting as he did that Lockhart hardly seemed to take notice of his absence. Remus shook his head in disbelief, glancing down at the unknown, but very welcome, number on his phone.

“This is Remus.” The line was silent for a moment, someone’s breath catching on the other end. Remus felt suddenly uneasy. “Hello...?”

“Professor...”

Remus felt his chest tighten. “Sirius?”

Sirius’ voice crackled on the other end, a few incomprehensible words slipping through.

“Sirius, you cut out, can you repeat that?”

“I need help.” Sirius’ voice cracked, coming out barely above a whisper.

Remus’ blood ran cold “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m at the gas station by the school… I– I’m in the restroom.”

“What happened, Sirius?”

“Someone’s following me. He’s waiting outside.”

The boy sounded absolutely terrified, and suddenly nothing else mattered.

“I’ll be right there.”


	8. The Stalker

Remus couldn’t remember what he said as he threw cash on the table and rushed out the door, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Sirius was in trouble, and he had to get to him.

Remus felt his heart threatening to beat out of his ribcage at every red light, and after the fourth light in a row he almost smashed his fist down on the horn, as if that would make it turn faster.

“Fuck, _fuck fuck fuck._ ”   

Remus felt relief flood through him as the gas station came into view. He recognized Sirius’ bike, which had been haphazardly tossed to the ground next to the entrance.

There were only three cars in the parking lot, and as Remus pulled up he could see an older man sitting in one of them, his eyes trained on the entrance.

Remus felt his stomach lurch, rage boiling up inside of him. He quickly got out of the car and rushed into the station.

There were two more men inside. One was a younger, gangly teen, the other was a man who looked like the textbook definition of “grandfather”, cane and all. That narrowed down his options a bit.

Remus beelined for the restrooms, halting outside. He took a deep breath and knocked softly. “Sirius, it’s Remus. You in there?”

He could hear shuffling behind the door, then the lock clicked and the door flew open. Remus gasped as a whirlwind of dark hair burst out, nearly tackling him to the ground. Sirius clung to him, balling Remus’ jacket in his shaking, white knuckled grip and burying his face in Remus’ neck.

Remus quickly wrapped him up, his protective instincts on overdrive as he held the trembling teen in his arms.

They stood in silence for a moment, Sirius attempting to regulate his breathing, then slowly they pulled apart and Remus gripped Sirius by the shoulders, studying his face. “The man in the car?”

Sirius glanced towards the entrance and nodded.

“Do you know him?”

Sirius hesitated, then nodded again.

“How do you know him?”

Sirius looked sick, his gaze not meeting Remus’. “Online.”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm the building tension in his stomach. “We’ll talk more in the car. Go grab your bike and let’s get you out of here.”

Remus turned, guiding Sirius towards the exit. Sirius hesitated, but Remus gripped his shoulder reassuringly, plastering on what he hoped was a comforting smile even though he very much wanted to scream. Sirius threw him one more anxious look, then tugged his hood up and headed out.

Remus followed, putting a bit of distance between them as he pulled out his phone. Sirius beelined for the bike, passing the stranger’s car. The stalker’s door opened.

Remus halted in front of the vehicle, eyes narrowed to slits.

“Get back in your car and drive away.”

The man froze, eyeing Remus. “Who the fuck are you?”

Remus held up the phone, taking a quick picture of the man, and then another of his license plate. The man’s eyes widened and he threw himself back in the car, slamming the door shut and nearly colliding with a car behind him in his haste to leave. Remus watched as he turned the corner and vanished, fury radiating through him until he could almost see red.

Sirius stepped up next to Remus, clutching his bike. “Remus… I’m sorry.”

“Put the bike in the back and hop in, I’ll take you home.”

Sirius quickly did as instructed.

~*~

The silence was almost tangible. Sirius hadn’t said a word, but Remus could feel his eyes on him.

“M’sorry, Remus.”

Remus released the breath he’d been holding, his shoulders slumping. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Yes, I do.” Sirius pulled his hands into his sleeves, wrapping his arms tightly around himself. “It was stupid. I probably woke you up or something.”   

“I was on a date, actually.”

Sirius’ head whipped around, his eyes wide. “A date?”

Remus snorted humorlessly, “You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“No, I just – fuck, I’m sorry.”  

“Don’t be. Wasn’t much of a date. Your call would have been a welcome distraction if it were under any other circumstance.”

Sirius visibly relaxed, throwing on a weak excuse for a smile. “In that case, guess my loss was your gain, eh?”    

Remus felt a pit settle in his stomach. He couldn’t stay quiet anymore. “Don’t joke like that.”

Sirius faltered, his grin flickering and then vanishing.

“You gave a complete stranger your personal information.”

“He – he offered a lot of money,” Sirius muttered, pulling his hood tighter so his face was hidden. “All I had to do was grab coffee with him. I thought, since we were meeting in a public place… I thought it was safe.”

Remus shook his head in disbelief, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.  

“It was stupid, I get it,” Sirius grumbled.  

“You don’t need me to tell you that.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t make that mistake again,” Sirius snapped, his face burning as he turned to stare out of the window, avoiding looking at Remus.

Remus didn’t respond, his eyes firmly on the road. Sirius pressed his forehead against the glass, his shoulders hunched. After a few seconds of furious internal debate, Remus pulled over and Sirius peeled himself away from the window, turning to cast him an apprehensive look.  

“I’m not going to ask you to stop,” Remus said quietly, his heart racing. “You’re an adult now, you can do what you think is best. But... you scared me, Sirius.”

Sirius didn’t move, his eyes fixed on Remus. The professor finally turned to look at him.  

“I wish, more than anything, that you would stop hurting yourself.” Remus’ voice quavered and his grip on the wheel tightened as his emotions threatened to tip over the edge. “I don’t ever want to feel like this again.”

Silence pressed in around them once more. Remus dragged his gaze away from Sirius’ face and pulled the car back onto the road while Sirius returned to his position against the window. Not another word was spoken except for quiet directions to help guide Remus to the Potters’.

When he pulled up in front of the large house, Sirius continued to stare out of the window, making no move to leave.

Remus didn’t ask him to.    

“I’ll stop.” Sirius’ voice was so quiet Remus wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. Sirius cleared his throat and tried again. “I mean it. I’ll stop.”

“Do you really want that, or is this about me?”

“You were right. You’re always right… it kind of pisses me off,” Sirius sighed, letting his head drop back against the seat as he lifted his sneakered feet onto the dash. “I don’t know why I did it. I guess it just sounded easy. People like the way I look, I like people looking. The money was nice. I went a little crazy after everything with my parents… I dunno. There’s lots of reasons, but they’re all stupid.”  

Remus waited, not daring to speak.

“To be honest… it stopped being fun after you stopped watching,” Sirius admitted, brow furrowed and face reddening with embarrassment in the dim light. “I don’t know why I kept doing it. Guess it was kind of a ‘fuck you’ teenage rebellion moment.” He turned to cast Remus a sheepish look as he finished, “No wonder you stopped talking to me.”

Remus felt an overwhelming urge to pull Sirius into a hug, but stopped himself, gripping the wheel with shaking hands. “Y-yeah… you were a bit of a shit.”

Sirius laughed, the tension in the air vanishing in an instant. Remus was reminded again how much he loved that laugh. The younger boy settled down, casting Remus a soft smile. “Can I ask you something?”

Remus nodded, his voice caught in his throat.

“When I graduate – well, _if_ I graduate...”

“You’ll graduate. You just need to stop being lazy.”

Sirius snorted, casting Remus a fond look as he amended, “ _When_ I graduate... will you let me take you out?”

Remus felt the air rush from his lungs for the hundredth time since meeting Sirius Black. Sirius watched him, gaze steady. He looked infuriatingly calm... but his hands were trembling.

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t get the words past the lump in his throat. He coughed, trying to clear enough room for his voice to escape. “I – I don’t know, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded, his steady gaze flickering for just a moment as his eyes became overly bright. “You’re a really good person, Remus.”

Remus felt as if he’d been stricken mute. He watched as Sirius quickly turned away, his dark hair falling across his face and hiding him from view, then opened the door and slipped out. He wanted to shout after him, his entire being aching with the need to voice what he really wanted to say, but instead he held onto the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping him anchored to reality, his knuckles white and his jaw glued shut.

“See you tomorrow, professor.”


	9. For Old Times Sake

“Sirius Orion Black.”

Remus clapped a little harder than was necessary as Sirius strode forward to receive his diploma. Sirius took the parchment, releasing himself from the bonds of secondary school, and shook the hand that was outstretched for him. He turned to glance in Remus’ direction, beaming from ear to ear and casting him an appreciative wink, then made his way off stage.

_What a fucking year._

James cheered and hollered as Lily Evans took the stage, causing her to blush furiously. Peter looked faint as he blundered his way up, nearly tripping over his robes, and quickly snatched the parchment, rushing back to his seat. Remus snorted, casting a fond look after him.

James made a typical fool of himself as he bounced on stage to claim his diploma. He posed to the cheers of several of his classmates, Sirius’ taunting calls rising above the din and causing James to throw two inappropriate fingers up at him. The bespeckled boy was quickly ushered offstage. Remus sighed in exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose and biting back the grin that threatened to escape.

It was a bittersweet moment as the professor watched his students leave childhood behind, but the happy grins they threw his way… _that_ was why he loved teaching.

The rest of the day was a blur, with lots of handshakes and excited conversations about the future. Remus found his eyes drifting through the crowd, seeking out black hair and grey eyes.

Sirius stood next to James, laughing breathlessly as Mrs. Potter smothered him in her motherly embrace, her eyes bright with tears.

Remus felt the corners of his eyes burn in response, and quickly turned away.

_What a year._

~*~     

**_For old times sake._ **

**_PW: Black_ **

Remus stared at the link, heart plummeting. It was a jarring sight after the happy rush of the day.

He thought they’d finally gotten past this.

Remus almost closed the computer, but something made him stop. He stared at the password for a long moment. Sirius had never used his real name. He took a deep breath and clicked the link.

There was the dark room, and there was Sirius. Remus felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably at the familiarity of it all. The boy sat, stormy eyes gazing straight through Remus, free of their blindfold. He wore a comfortable looking burgundy sweater and sweatpants, his foot tucked up beneath him.

Remus waited nervously, the blood pounding in his ears, senses on alert.

“Thank you, Remus.”

Remus jumped at the soft words, his heart leaping into his throat.

“I made it, so I guess all the shit I put you through was worth it, right?” Sirius laughed anxiously, his voice a few octaves higher than usual. “I’m – I’m sorry for the email, it’s just easier than talking to you in person. You make me nervous.”

Sirius was having a hard time looking at the camera, his voice barely above a whisper. In spite of the layers of clothes, the boy seemed more exposed in that moment than Remus had ever seen him.

“I just wanted to thank you, I guess.”

Sirius fell silent, staring at his trembling hands. Remus found himself wishing desperately that he could respond.

“I know I’ve said it a few times now… but I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” The words slipped from Remus’ mouth in spite of the fact that Sirius couldn’t hear them. Remus sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had. I mean that. You’re such a good person, Remus. I – I hope I’ll see you again... soon.”

Remus watched as Sirius hesitated for a moment, then stood, making his way to the camera. The boy smiled softly, then the screen went black.

~*~  

Remus had never been so nervous in his entire life. He stood outside the hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, fidgeting anxiously with the top button on his collared shirt. He couldn’t figure out if he wanted it buttoned or unbuttoned and spent about five minutes fiddling with it. He settled with buttoned… it made him feel more secure.

_God, he was ridiculous._

Remus shook his head, the motion carrying down to his arms as he attempted to fend off the nerves. He reached out and gripped the handle, throwing the door open. The bell jingled lightly, announcing his presence, and he stepped in, his gaze sweeping across the various faces seated around the dimly lit cafe.

He felt his heart rate settle when he realized he was the first one there… until a pair of grey eyes caught his attention.

Sirius sat in a booth by the window. Remus almost reeled with shock – he looked _so different_. It had been about five months since school had let out. How had five months done _that?_

Sirius had left behind his usual patched-leather jacket and ripped jeans in favor of a long, charcoal peacoat with a sharp black dress shirt. His stubble had grown in nicely, and the sight of it made Remus’ knees wobble. He looked so grown up… fuck, had it really only been _five months?_

Sirius caught sight of Remus and beamed excitedly, waving him over.  

Remus nearly tripped over his own feet as he made his way to the booth, managing to recover and settle gracefully across from the younger man… like a lanky stork on its perch.  

_Jesus Christ._

Remus took a closer look at the man across from him. Relief swept through him as he noticed a few familiar pieces of jewelry and the shit-eating grin spreading across his face.

It was still Sirius.

Sirius leaned across the table eagerly. “I’m glad you came.”

Remus nodded curtly, managing a small smile. It had been an interesting year so far. The two of them had graduated from emails to texting, and within the last few weeks, an occasional phone call.

Finally, after a long, comfortable chat the night before, Sirius had asked Remus to meet him for coffee. Remus was embarrassed with how eagerly he’d blurted out, “Yes!”     

Now he wasn’t so sure he’d manage to make it through an hour with Sirius Black. Why the hell was he so nervous?

“– got a new place near the university!”

Remus came back to reality, realizing that Sirius had been talking to him for nearly a minute. He drew himself back, blurting out, “Who?”

Sirius snorted, snapping his fingers in front of Remus’ nose, “Pay attention, teach'.”

Remus laughed nervously, nodding. “Alright, I’m here. Repeat everything you just said.”

“James and I just moved into a new place, right next to the university, and…” Sirius bounced slightly in his seat, looking thoroughly pleased with himself, “I have an announcement to make.”

“Congratulations, who’s the lucky man?”

Sirius barked out a laugh, “That will depend on if you say yes.”

Remus blushed furiously, quickly and gratefully turning his attention to the glum looking waitress who had appeared next to them. “Just tea for me, thank you. Earl Grey.”  

The girl blew a bubble, waiting for it to pop before nodding and turning sharply on her heel. Remus turned his attention back to Sirius, having managed to collect himself again. “Alright, so what’s the announcement, really?”

“I wanted to wait until I saw you in person.” Sirius leaned forward, practically vibrating with excitement, “I got the full-ride scholarship.”

Remus gasped, “You did?!”

“I did.”

“ _Of course_ you did!” Remus practically shouted, ecstatic. “You clever bastard, I knew you would!”

Sirius couldn’t have looked more pleased with himself if he’d tried, and Remus found that he didn’t mind in the slightest. The boy deserved to feel proud.

The conversation flowed far more naturally after that. Sirius was quick to divulge any information he hadn’t already told Remus, and Remus found himself enthralled, enjoying every minute of excitable banter and flailing arms.

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Sirius so happy.

Before he knew it, a few hours had passed. Remus glanced up as the gloomy, bubble-popping waitress walked past the booth, casting them both reproachful and pointed looks as she cleaned off the table next to them. They were the only two left.

“What time is it?”

Sirius’ eyes widened as he glanced at his phone, “Shit, I didn’t realize how late it was. You have brats to teach at the crack of dawn and I’ve gone and talked your ear off all night.”

“It’s fine, I don’t need them. I just need my mouth so I can drone on for six hours about Chaucer.”

Sirius sighed disappointedly, “Drat, that’s the part I _really_ wanted to take.”

Remus snorted into his cup, feeling his face heat up to combat the dreadfully cold tea. Sirius smirked in response and waved the waitress over. Remus quickly pulled out his wallet and nearly jumped out of his skin when Sirius smacked it lightly out of his hand.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Sirius, you don’t have to-”

“I’m being chivalrous!” Sirius handed the wallet back, winking, “I have a job _and_ a scholarship. I can totally afford to pay for your tea. I’m like a fully-functioning adult now!”

Remus bit back the grin that crept up, quirking a brow, “Let me guess… are you going to pay with all ones?”

“Absolutely, let me just pull them out of my pants.”

Remus laughed as Sirius paid the grumpy waitress, casting her a cheeky wink and a tip of his invisible hat. She blew another bubble, unimpressed, and tapped her foot impatiently as the two men slipped out into the night.  

Remus turned to Sirius, shivering slightly in the brisk autumn air. “Thanks for getting me out of the apartment.”

“Figured it was about time to dig you out of the piles of mediocre essays you were sleeping under, and, y’know, feed you something other than Chinese takeout.”

“How did you know I have five boxes of chow mein stacked up on my desk?”

“Not because I’m a stalker. I only lurk outside your window on Tuesdays.”

“Why Tuesdays specifically?”

“So I can enjoy the Great British Bake Off with you.”

Remus clutched his chest in mock horror, “You know about my affair with Paul?”

“Oh God, Paul? I’d have forgiven you if it were Mary Berry. _I’d_ leave you for Mary Berry.”

Remus couldn’t keep up the act anymore, his face cracking into a smile. Sirius returned the look and soon both of them were laughing breathlessly.

“God, I’ve missed you, Rem.”

Remus felt his heart skip a beat, the laughter dying in his throat. He glanced over at Sirius, who was smiling warmly at him, and cleared his throat, pulling his coat more tightly around him.

The smile faltered on Sirius’ face, uncertainty seeping back into his gaze. Remus cursed inwardly.

_Why couldn’t he just act normal around him?_

“Hey, would… would you like to come over to the new place this Friday?” The words came out in a rush, as if Sirius had spoken them before he could think twice. “I… James is holding a housewarming party.”

Remus slowly looked up, taking in Sirius’ hopeful expression. “I mean, I guess I can spend one night away from Paul.”

The younger man let out the breath he’d been holding, looking relieved, and plastered on a confident smirk. “One night is all I’ll need.”

Remus felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to grab his smirking face and…

“Right! Friday then,” he said breathlessly, his cheeks burning yet again. _God_ , he’d never blushed so many times in one night.

Sirius nodded, his gaze intent. “Eight o’clock.”

Remus nodded, breathing strained. Silence fell, the two of them staring at one another. Remus wanted to say something… _anything_.

He didn’t want Sirius to leave without him saying what was on his mind. He didn’t want Sirius to leave before he…

_He didn’t want Sirius to leave._

Sirius’ lips parted, his tongue flicking out to wet them, and took a step forward, closing the short distance between them. Remus hadn’t realized how close they’d been standing.

Sirius balked as Remus’ gaze met his, his eyes flickering briefly down, then up again. He slowly moved forward, his hand gliding up to play with the hair at the base of Remus’ neck as he pressed himself close against him.

Remus felt the warmth of Sirius’ breath before their lips met, brushing lightly against each other.

His lips were so soft, and his body was so _warm_. Remus felt dizzy, eyes fluttering closed as Sirius brushed teasingly against him once again, the light stubble tickling his chin.  

Without another moment’s hesitation, Remus slipped his hands beneath the younger man’s coat and around his waist, nearly crashing their lips together and receiving a startled “Ermph!” from Sirius.  

After the initial botched attempt, which resulted in Sirius grinning against him and chuckling breathlessly into his mouth, Sirius wrapped his fingers in Remus’ curls, eagerly diving into the kiss.

Remus melted into him, his entire body igniting at his touch. The kiss lasted only a brief moment, _far_ too brief, and when Sirius pulled away and the cold rushed in between them, Remus felt lost in his absence.  

Sirius’ eyes were bright, his smile nearly falling off of his face it was so wide. “See you Friday, professor.”

Remus gaped as Sirius turned on his heel, grin still firmly in place, and walked off in the opposite direction, an infuriating skip to his step.

_The little shit._

_Fuck_ , Remus was in trouble.

But for once… he didn’t mind.

“Friday it is,” he muttered, his heart fluttering as Sirius disappeared around the corner.

_Friday couldn’t come soon enough._

_FIN_


End file.
